Whoa! Been A While!!!

Wow! I can’t believe I haven’t posted in so long! Sorry!!! Which if you keep up with Facebook you pretty much know what’s been happening!

So, a little rundown!...

I am currently 23 weeks and 1 day along! Only 16 weeks 6 days to go! It has been insane how quickly time has flown by even though all the same we are soooo anxious to meet this baby! My pregnancy has been amazingly smooth sailing so far! I haven’t had any sickness to speak of, no out of the ordinary cravings yet! Although chili cheese fritos sound good when I’m craving something tangy or salty and oddly enough I never really ate them before! I was going every two weeks for my appointments and ultrasounds and had a slight case of placenta previa but by about 18 weeks it all moved to where it is supposed to be and since then everything has looked great! My doctor assured me after that that everything was going great and I could move to regular 4 week appointments but around that time I still wasn’t comfortable so I bumped to 3 weeks! After the three week appointment I went ahead and went to 4 weeks and wow! Talk about torture when you’re used to going so often! I have been feeling him move since about 19 weeks so it hasn’t been too bad since those little flutters are more reassuring than you know! He started out by kicking my heart Doppler which was too crazy! Oh and also the best $50 I’ve ever spent!

Ever since about 21 weeks I have been feeling more than just flutters for sure though! He loves to kick at night when we lay down to go to bed and really it’s the best time out of the day because chadd gets to feel him! As the days have gone by they get a little stronger and I’ve now started to feel him throughout the day! If my belly is pushed up against the shampoo bowl or my chair at work he sort of kicks at it which is just too cute to me! I tell chadd he likes to help mommy work! I have been carrying him quite low so the backaches are pretty rough when I’ve had a full day at work and my feet tend to ache by the end of the day more than normal! I’m pretty excited to try out a support band my sister in law is letting me borrow so maybe that will help! I just got it today so we will see.

Chadd has always talked to my belly since we first found out but it’s so cute to hear him talk to him so often. Every day when he gets home from work I get a big hug then he goes straight to Brody to tell him how much he loves him! It melts me every time he talks to him. It makes me that much more thankful and happy that I stuck with my battle and created this miracle for us! Oh and yes, if I’m being mean to him he is sure to tell brody to kick me! Oh yes by the way he has a name! haha

Brody Cotton-Lee Brown

Brody, just because we love it….Cotton is chadds grandpas name on his dads side. He was a trucker his whole life and to this day still has cotton blonde hair, therefore Cotton has always been the name we’ve known him by! (besides Papa of course!) he is a strong, caring man. From the day I met him he has always been so sweet and since we started our journey he has always been sure to ask me or chadd how “his baby” has been on all the medicines! He actually told us that we should just adopt because he didn’t like to see his babies suffer being on all these medications! He’s so sweet and caring and I know chadd got a lot of it from him! when we told papa on thanksgiving day the full name i think he was quite surprised and even had to sneak off according to chadds cousin because he got a little emotional! it was so cute! Chadds dad was Cottons only son, chadd was his first grandson, and this will be his first great-grandson so we figured: how appropriate!? Lee is chadd and his dad’s middle name. we wanted to carry on the name of course so they can all three share it! We love his name and love this little boy so much already!

We are slowly starting to get stuff for his room! He of course has all sorts of clothes already and every now and then when we are at the store we will pick up a pack of diapers just to help us out in the future! His walls are a dark denim blue which is what they have been! I originally painted it a long time ago, in secret hopes of a boy ;) we decided not to paint again since we have our house on the market so that way when we move we can have a fresh idea! We purchased a dresser for him from Santa fe furniture so he could have a nice one to grow up with, and my parents are buying his crib/changer for us! I’m so excited to get it ordered and get it here to finally start getting his room looking like a baby’s room! Chadds parents bought our car seat stroller which is red and grey and sooo pretty!

We decided to schedule a 4D sonogram in Abilene which will be February 4^th that we are really looking forward to! Check Facebook for pictures! It’s at a place called stork vision and they let you bring as many people as you want and its up on big screens for everyone to see! They also give a dvd, cd with pics, and printed pics to take home! Can’t wait!!!

Well that was a doozy! I will go ahead and end it for now and will try not to wait 3 more months to update again! Thanks for reading and thanks for the prayers and support!!! 

I love you my baby!

well its been a few weeks so i figured i would update! dont want the blog to get too rusty! ive had 3 sonnogram appointments since finding out we have a miracle growing and they have all been amazing! our first one at 6 weeks was just a little blob with a flicker but one of the most amazing sights weve seen in a loooong time! everything measured right on track but for some reason it was hard to believe it was real! i havent been sick besides my metformin im on that has made me queezy since i first started taking it two years ago....

the second one was at about 7 1/2 weeks and i had that one in san antonio! we werent planning on going back there but i ended up getting to go with all the girls from work to a hair show so i figured since i was going to be there, why not!? that one i had quite the audience! since chadd wasnt able to go, i took tayler with me, tanners girlfriend that i work with, then the rest of the girls tagged along! i was really glad they all got to see it since almost all of them have been going through this with me from day one! everything looked good  there as well and my fertility doctor set up the dates to start weening me off my medications! pretty scary but comforting at the same time knowing he's confident enough to start the process!

our third one was just yesterday and by far the best yet! the baby is growing wonderfully and we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time together! it was nice and strong and the baby was wiggling all around! just hoping its not a sign that it will have too much of chadds ADD! my husband cant sit still to save his life unless its in a recliner! but thats ok im not complaining!!! we are so in love with this baby already and are still praying hard that we get to meet him or her in about 7 months!!! the heart rate was at 188bpm which was perfect! after watching the baby wiggle around for a little bit, our tech then surprised us with a 3D view!!! i had to ask if it was our baby we were looking at or just an example image! haha! it was shocking! we were able to see its limbs developing as well as the face! you could see where the nose and eyes were starting to develop! it was the coolest thing ever to see an 8 1/2 week old baby so clearly!

my next appointment is this coming monday and my mom is going to come with me this time! since everything is looking good we dont want chadd to miss too much work time although i know he will have a hard time missing it! like ive said in the past, chadd has been amazing through everything weve been through. its not easy seeing your wife being poked and prodded as much as i have been just to try to MAYBE have a baby! he has definitely continued his greatness since we found out! he has done laundry, cooked dinner, cleaned the house, and the list goes on! he has truly given me the strength ive needed in these past 4 years and i know he will continue to be my rock for the rest of our lives! i know i wouldnt have made it this far if i didnt have such an amazing husband to create a child for. he is going to be an amazing father and i cant wait for the both of us to meet our child for the first time!!! Thank you God for this miracle and thank you to everyone for the continued prayers! they have truly helped us i know it! i can feel the miracle inside me thriving off prayer!!!


HERE IS OUR MIRACLE! THE PICTURE OF COURSE ISNT AS CLEAR AS SEEING IT ON THE SCREEN BUT ITS PRETTY GOOD!

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND THE REASON I'VE GONE THROUGH HELL AND BACK TO CREATE A CHILD FOR US!

This is dedicated to our parents

well its been a while! this ride has been anything but easy, but were so happy to finally get to enjoy the ride!!! two full invitro cycles, 500 trips to san antonio, countless needles into my body, pills, bedrest, financial support from family and an amazing set of friends(you know who you are), and $30,000 later we saw the heart beat yesterday of our growing miracle and wouldnt trade it for anything in the world!

chadd and i have an amazing marriage. weve always had a strong relationship since we were first together and i have to contribute a lot of it to him. he has definitely given me the strength ive needed to get to where we are today. he and i have definitely changed eachother over the past 13 years together, and i know it will only get better. he has helped me overcome the fear of the future by reminding me to take all of this one step at a time, and i have just about broken his fear of needles with all the shots he has given to me! im by no means saying that the love we have for our child is any different than someone that got pregnant the "easy way," but going through all of this has definitely made us appreciate Gods work. trust me, if you dig down deep and have seen what weve seen about the process of what goes into making a baby, you would be shocked at how many miracles are created so easily sometimes!

i honestly have to say as well that our marriage has been amazingly supported by watching the love and support our parents have always given eachother. not everyone is fortunate enough to witness such love and devotion, but we truly have been. not only the love they have for eachother, but the love they have for us, their children. when our first IVF cycle failed, it was like our world was over. the road had ended, but for some reason all of a sudden, i didnt want it to end. i thought i was tired of the countless san antonio trips, shots, and pills, but i knew deep down God had a plan and in that instant i knew we couldnt give up yet. thankfully for our amazing parents, they all came together and put up the money we needed to try one more time. at first we both thought, no way...theirs no way we can take money like that from them, but then my mom said, "hey we want to be grandparents just as bad as yall want to be parents and wouldnt you do the same for your children if they needed it and you could?" so of course their was no turning it down after that! so from their hearts and wallets to ours, the money appeared, but what dissapeared was our fear...the first time we went through all of this, i told chadd afterward that in my heart something didnt feel right but of course i ignored it. for some reason though, all of us had this feeling that it was just going to work this time. we werent hesitant, we werent afraid, we werent nervous for some reason! i know now that it was all God working inside of us to ease our hearts so we would know that the future was in His hands and if we just trusted Him, it would all work!
we also have a huge place in our hearts for all of the people that have come out of the wood work lifting us up to Him in prayer. Ive met quite a few people recently that have friends of friends that know us and have spoken about us, then they come to us saying that, even though they dont know us, they are praying for us. people have added us to their prayer groups at their churches and dont even know our last names! its amazing! i feel really strongly as well that all of these prayers have helped to heal our hearts and keep the confidence and strength in them that we have needed. so from the bottom of mine and chadds hearts, you know who you are, we cant thank you enough for the amazing prayers. we know we go to bed at night lifted into the arms of God because of all of you.

thank you to everyone for helping us get here. you will all be a part of creating our miracle! please continue the prayers and we cant wait for everyone to meet the miracle you all helped create this coming April!

I LOVE YOU MY CHADD

Thankful Thankful Thankful!!!!

So if everyone doesnt know yet....I'M OFFICIALLY KNOCKED UP!!!! yep, test tube baby or babies decided to take up residence in my uterus and we couldn't be happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know we have had so many people praying for us. weve been put on prayer lists at peoples churchs that they dont even know who we are but have helped us get this far spiritually! its an amazing feeling! its also an amazing feeling to hopefully know that we can finally have a well deserved break from all the stress and craziness of IVF procedures and finally just enjoy Gods gift! i was told by a close friend that i need to remember and enjoy this pregnancy and remind myself that its all in Gods hands! even though its hard to give it up to God i am definitely going to try my best! i just know that im doing everything in my power to hold on to this miracle and thats all i can do! and of course ask for prayers from all the amazing people that have gotten us here!
we officially got the news around 11am yesterday(friday) and of course were on the phones immediately since we had so many friends and family waiting on pins and needles for the results! we were super excited to have the test done to see what my HCG level came back at which is the number they give you so you can know how strong everything is basically! i guess i will let the cat out of the bag as well now....we took a total of 6 home tests from monday to friday morning and got positives all week soooo we kinda had a hunch!!! but hey, when you've been around the block as many times as us, it takes A LOT OF PROOF to show me that im truly pregnant! honestly i remind myself that i am, and remind myself my level was nice and high, but honestly until i see that first ultrasound theeeeeeen maybe, just maybe, i will be convinced! haha
so for now were just (im)patiently waiting on tuesday to get our level again to make sure everything looks good! my number was 534 yesterday so by tuesday were wanting to see greater than 1,000 sooooo everyone say a little prayer this miracle or miracles are growing for mommy and daddy!!!!!!!!!
thanks again to everyone for your continued prayers and support! it means the world to us to know so many people care about us becoming parents! its definitely been our dream for a looooooong time! we are grateful to God for this gift and know that we have two angel babies waiting for us in heaven and hope that they will guard and protect their siblings in my tummy for the next 8 months because they know how badly their parents need this precious gift!!!! Praise the Lord for his gift and thank you everyone!!!!

Waiting waiting and more waiting!

Well were getting closer to the big day! Come Friday morning we will know if our next nine months will be filled with baby preparations or empty hearts! I guess they can't be too empty though since we were lucky enough to have two embryos freeze! Thank God for that! Because I can tell you right now I don't plan on going through this entire IVF fiasco ever again! I don't mind going back to have two more put in in the future but after that, no more needles!!!!! Anyways just another thank you to everyone for praying so much for us! Were nearing the end of one phase but I'm certain we will need even stronger prayers if my body did actually decide to let the babies move in! I will do my best to update Friday or atleast the weekend but watch my Facebook status because I'm sure it will be on there quickly! Thanks everyone for the support and prayers. It means more than you know to chadd and I and helps more than you know! God bless!

Harvest time!

well the end of our second invitro cycle has officially come! we are completely done, now just to harvest my babies and pray to God for the miracle we have awaited so long for! i ended up this past wednesday with 15 eggs being retrieved, out of those 15, 14 were mature, which is great, which means they were all of good enough size to fertilize! the first time we attempted IVF the clinic had called us at 7:30am to deliver the fertilization news, and this time i finally had to call them twice by 10:30am because chadd and i were just about to explode with worry that they hadnt called because something went wrong!!! so out of those 14, 2 were not maturing properly so we will not use those and they will be disposed of since something was obviously not right!
when we arrived at the clinic saturday morning, they gave us the news we had been awaiting since we found out we had 12 embryos, which was the grade of the embryos! the lab woman came in and told us some amazing news, that we had 2 perfect embryos with the grade of 8A's, which is the highest grade, that would be put in! last time the highest quality we had that we transferred were two 7B's so this was an answered prayer for sure! we still have one 8B, one 7A, 2-7B's, and a few grade fives and fours left to see if they make it to the blasocyst stage in order to be frozen! the 8B and 7's have a good chance, but the lower ones will probably not make it so were hoping for the best and even if we only get one to freeze we will be happy campers!!!!!!! we should know around tuesday or wednesday if our remaining babies make it!
so i guess now all we ask for are a few more prayers asking for God to make this dream come true! it will be extremely hard if we dont have any freeze and this is a negative outcome, but for some reason chadd and i both just have a much better feeling about this cycle...im not sure what it is but on the way to san antonio friday i told chadd that for some reason my heart and my mind havent had any negative feelings throughout this entire process...unlike the first time...i dont know, it could be that "mothers" intuition combined with all the prayers weve had from people who hardly know us praying for our peace and success! whichever it is i sure hope its a good sign! these two weeks will be the longest of my life i know, so im looking forward to many distractions, yet still have to remind myself to take it easy! they told me that im not allowed to exercise for the next two weeks...darn...its totally going to cramp my style to not run my 5 miles every morning and keep up this amazing figure...lol ya right!!!!!!!!!!! looking forward to my awesome husband taking care of me as well! if theirs one thing i could say that he's good at in our marriage is taking care of me! in times like this and whenever i've been sick or anything he's right on top of taking care of me no matter what i ask for while still making me smile! i love you chadd and thank God everyday that he chose you to be by my side throughout this crazy thing called life and infertility!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love you my chadd!

Dreamin's Free!

well this weekend in san antonio went muuuuuuch better than the last time i was there! we went to the doctor saturday morning, all the follicles were growing like they should be! then we headed to round rock with my parents and did some shopping then we drove over to Gruene and had dinner at the Gristmill while sweating our butts off but the food was worth it! my mom and i hung around sunday night for my appointment this morning and we sent the boys home since my appointment this morning wasnt anything chadd needed to miss a day of work over at his new job! my doctor seems much more confident this round than he did the first time which is a comforting feeling! he says that my follicles are growing all together at a good pace and good sizes so were hoping for mature eggs that will fertilize and make the "grade" when they become embryos!

so for anyone unfamiliar, they will basically knock me out wednesday morning, extract my eggs with a tiny needle-like tube, send them to the lab, mix them up with chadds "goods", then voila! we have embryos 24 hours later! they give the embryos 2 grades, a letter and number, based off the cell division and quality, the best being an 8A, grading 1-8 and A-D so were praying for many many 8A's!!!!!!!!!!! those are the most ideal for implantation and also to survive freezing in order to be able to use later on if needed! but if anyone wants to get specific with their prayers for us, we would love to have a boy and a girl set of twins, and not ever have to look back!!!!!!!! haha, like i said in the title, dreamin's free, right!? anyways chadd and i are at a comforting place in our life at the moment so it is much more comforting going into this final phase with a positive outlook on all aspects of our life! house got put on the market, chadd got a new career opportunity, our house is showing to a private client for the first time this wednesday, and God willing a baby in nine months!

i would like to thank everyone for their support that has helped guide chadd and i through the ups and downs of the past four years of our lives! our parents especially, because without their support financially and emotionally, theirs no way we would have the opportunity to attempt our dream again...praying for the last time!!!!

also a special thank you to Valarie and Eric, our aunt and uncle, that have graciously chosen us to become Bowens Godparents. It will be official the weekend after we find our if we are pregnant or not, so no matter the outcome, we feel so blessed that we will atleast have a Godchild that we can watch grow faithfully, and lovingly, with the best support we can give him throughout his journey in life as if he were our own! We love you BoBo and plan on spoiling you rotten! (especially if we dont have our own baby...lookout! kisses all the time!)

i will attempt to update after we find out how many embryos we end up with which we should know around thursday morning!



~Even though you're not here and I am yet to know if you will ever exist, please know i will love you unconditionally, protect you over my own well being, guide you through life with my best capabilities, and will hold your heart forever in mine~My heart longs for a baby of my own, to hold, to love, to kiss goodnight, to bandage a scrape, to drop off at the first day of school, to watch graduate from college, to walk down the isle, and to bless me with my own grandchildren someday, God willing, so Lord if you could grant this one wish, to send down a healthy child that Chadd and I can raise in your eyes, I'll never ask for anything again~

LUCKY NUMBER 7!

well today was the first ultrasound/bloodwork day of our final invitro attempt and it seems as though 7 is the lucky number! i had 7 follicles on both ovaries, all measuring at 7's, 8's, and 9's (for the lucky ones that need translation, just know those are good measurements! haha) Maybe we will name our child after the number 7 like the Beckhams did! haha silly celebrities! (but hey, we still may if this all turns up successful! ;) this was the first time i had to go to an appointment without Chadd or my mom but i was a big girl! since chadd started his new job its a little hard to hop on over to meet me at the clinic when he works all the way in Mertzon now! i wasn't too worried though since i knew by the hot flashes and cramping ovaries that more than likely everything was growing as it should!
i have another appointment thursday, same as todays, then if it all looks okay we will head to san antonio friday night for an appointment saturday morning! we will know more by then as to what exact days retrieval and transfer will occur, since my ovaries are in control its their call! short and sweet! I will try to update thursday for anyone interested in keeping up!

Big Change in the Brown household!

well tomorrow is the big day for Chadd! He starts his new career at Town & Country Wholesale in Mertzon as an operations manager/sales! He will get  a company truck which will help with the commute and a company phone. He's super excited and if anyone needs someone to purchase fuel or other related products give him a shout! I'm so happy and so proud of him for taking this leap of faith and taking a jump at bettering his future as a successful man and providing for a family we long for so badly! I have the most amazing husband i could ever ask for! (which, i guess their are no bad ones since we all think we have the best of them? or atleast most of the time! haha)
 Weve been taking it easy today since our weekend was filled with celebrating chadds last day at work thursday night, helping Cody, one of our bff's, throw his parents a surprise anniversary party, then we helped Miss Tayler, my brothers girlfriend, celebrate her 21st birthday last night! Whew! Makes me tired again just recapping! Haha Also resting today to prepare ourselves for not only Chadd starting a new job, but going for our (hope to be) LAST Invitro cycle attempt!
I am a little nervous having to go to the first 3 ultrasounds alone since Chadd will be in Mertzon working we know its rather pointless to make him ask off work and drive all the way back into town just for a couple quick blood draws and ultrasounds! Maybe I can get my mommy to come! ;) I have my first baseline set for this thursday, then if all looks good i will start injections this coming saturday! we will follow with two more ultrasounds to check progress not this week but next, on tuesday and thursday then will head to san antonio that friday for hopefully the final ultrasound! its all a play it by ear journey of course so i will do my best to update either on here or facebook when the time comes!
were also looking forward to spending the weekend in Dallas with some great friends this weekend! Maybe our last hurrah before getting prego??? haha wouldn't that be nice! we've invited a set of friends for a fun filled weekend in Dallas, but they dont know what surprises lie ahead of them!!! Can't wait Wes & Micha!!! They are very special friends that did a very special thing for us in our invitro journey to help out so this is our way of thanking them!!!
Anyways stay tuned! the next 3 weeks should be quite interesting!!!! as usual with the IVF process! chadd and i are just so ready to get this crazy, emotional, whirlwind of a rollercoaster ride over with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaater!

STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES...BUT STONES THEY JUST MIGHT KILL ME!!!

ok so hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!!!!!!!!!!! boy was mine a little heartbreaking for a day, but then it shaped up! read on for the story...haha
well i had my surgery last wednesday the 29th and everything went smooth! we checked in and waited and waited with my mom then they called me back and we waited some more in the hospital room then chadds mom showed up but we didnt wait too long so it was ok! the anaesthesiologist came in, Dr. Igler which ive had before and i totally love him by the way! he is hilarious!!! so they got my IV going and wheeled me back and placed me on the table. the last thing i remember talking about was we (all the staff in the surgery room) were going to meet at InVino Veritas after the surgery and boom i was out! haha. i woke up and all was good, went to recovery then my chadd came in and karyn and tamra then within an hour or so we were good to go home! i recovered the rest of  the day and slept most of it as well!
by thursday i was feeling better so me valarie and bowen ventured to the grocery store to prepare for the weekend! my moms side of the family, along with anyone who wants to tag along, all go to Junction every year since i was about 3 for the 4th so i wasnt about to miss that!!!
well, all in all the camping trip was awesome as usual except for around 5:00 friday to saturday mid afternoon i was pretty much all tears!!!!! yep, debbie downer right here, but i had a totally valid excuse!!!!!!! as we were swimming in the river us women decided to get out and i got splashed from behind so naturally i turned around to return the splash and swoosh! there goes my wedding ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes i said wedding ring!!!!!!! all 5 bands, (yes i'm gaudy) all 2 1/2 carats into the Llano river!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i instantly scream, cry, yell, and cuss like a sailor that my ring flew off! then i look up and see chadd literally running through the water with his beer in one hand, he drops the other hand to the bottom of the river immediately to start searching! as did everyone else in the water, which was about 10 or so people, more or less because they were probably scared i was going to go all lunatic since i went on a yelling rampage that lead into sobbing that finally lead to my mom pulling me out of the water holding me while everyone searched and prayed!!! props to bryan munn for taking off to the dollar store as well as meme to load up on goggles!!! well we didnt find it, so Tamra calls her husband david, since he hadn't left angelo yet, to bring the metal detector his parents own! yes, how ironic that the last one to arrive in our group hadn't left yet and conveniently had access to a metal detector??? ya crazy! so night falls, no ring...morning comes...no ring...so everyone is down at the water swimming around lunch saturday and david looks at me and says, "im going to find that ring shelby, its gonna bother the hell out of me until i do!" so i said have at it brotha! so he goes down to the water after making another trip to the store for a fresh battery...about an hour later chadd, kysha, josh, sloane and i were all up at the camp when everyone down at the water started freaking out!!! THEY FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they decided to submerge the metal detector and everytime it beeped my Uncle David, (not to be confused with brother in law david) would dig wherever it beeped while B-I-L david maneuvered the detector and right as my Godmother Gina was praying, david pulled up a handful of mud and rocks and voila! there it was!!!!!!!!!!!
needless to say mine and chadds weekend got a whole lot better as well as everyone elses! they didnt like seeing me so sad! chadd reassured me the whole time it was missing that he didnt care it was just something materialistic and he would get me a bigger one! but boy did he lay it on when we found it!!! haha not too bad though but he did put it in the ash tray in his truck and i wasnt allowed to touch it the rest of the weekend!!! thank the lord for my brother in law david and his family for making a special trip in from grape creek to bring him the detector before he left town!!!!!!! also a HUGE THANKS to all my friends and family that helped in the treasure hunt! your efforts WILL be rewarded i promise!!!!!!!! oh and please forgive me for my sailor mouth that went nuts in the heat of the moment! trust me there was no other way to react!!!!!!!!!! haha so thankful knowing the one gift, besides his heart of course, that chadd gave me did not have to be left behind! the sentimental value is totally irreplaceable!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so to continue on from my living hell....i spoke with my doctor friday afternoon in san antonio and he spoke with my urologist and they decided that all would be good to go to possibly do both my retrieval, granted the eggs were ready, and lithotripsy on wednesday as long as everything went as planned...well boy did it NOT go as planned....
so chadd and i enjoyed an italian dinner before heading to glendas for the night which was so good! we had a pepperoni pizza! anyways we headed to glendas, watched TV and basically went to bed! well, so much for a good nights sleep! i woke up about 1:30am with the lower back pain, it did nothing but get worse. i took two lortab that my urologist prescribed me when i saw him friday morning for "just in case"...well those didnt even touch the pain!!!!!! so i got up about 4am and took a shower to see if it would help ease the pain, which it didnt...i got out of the shower and noticed my left side was super swollen up and the pain was worse so i told chadd it was time to go to the ER....so 45 minutes later, driving 80mph down the highway, i was in the ER! it went pretty smooth all in all, they got my IV going and pumped me up of the good stuff and voila! the pain was gone! love that good juice!
so they prescribed me all sorts of meds and we were out of there by 8:45am and headed to the fertility clinic across the street...keep in mind i looked like i had been hit by a bus so the looks i was getting from everyone was like, whoa, that girl needs help...so i let them know about the ER and we go on to the ultrasound and blood work where my follicles had grown a little and their were lots of them which was good, but after speaking with Dr. Martin we decided it was in my best health interest to cancel the cycle due to a bigger chance of infection. when kidneys are involved it can make everything quite scary so even though we were disappointed we were also relieved to just go home and relax and recover!!!
so i pretty much slept the whole day saturday sunday and now its monday and im awake for now until i take another hydrocodone! trying to hold off from them since i dont have any pain yet but for my sake and mostly chadds, we want to keep on top of the pain because my poor husband cant take seeing me in such pain!!! i feel so bad that he has had to take care of me soooo many times! it really sucks for him! in sickness and in health, right??? poor thing!
so for now im just taking it easy until wednesday when im scheduled for lithotripsy so i will update after all of that!
from an awesome person whom i hope to call my sister in law one day, Tayler...Proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in alll your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths"...

well....not what we had anticipated...really???

well....its been quite a whirlwind the past couple days! lets just recap! we, as in me, my mom, Valarie, and grayson, hit the road Wednesday night to head to Glenda's in Bulverde. She is my distant cousin but i call her my aunt! she is gracious enough to let us stay at her house anytime we need too when were in san antonio so it helps tremendously on our travel expenses! anyways, we made it safe and sound with only one detour! yes you would think since i've been there 500 times in the past year i would be able to remember how to get to her house but once you hit Boerne its a little tricky! AND it was dark! so, i get ready for bed that night and notice a little blood in my urine (i know TMI but if you are grossed out then don't read it! haha) but my body does some crazy things so i kinda just blew it off and went to bed...well, the next morning theirs the same problem now accompanied with a slight back pain, so i told my mom and of course she and i both were thinking the unspeakable...kidney problem...
so we all load up and head to the clinic with swimsuits in tow since we planned on going to Sea World after the appointment which we were soooo looking forward too! well, we get to the clinic, all four of us, and while were in the waiting room, something funny to share....lesbians...and grayson...we were a little nervous because they were getting pretty cozy so we were all just waiting for grayson to blurt something out! don't get me wrong more power to them to each their own! but we were more concerned with the way G would've reacted if he would've seen them do anything, but thankfully they didn't and G was distracted with his iPod! THANK YOU APPLE! HAHA anyways moving on...
so my mom and i go into the room after lots of waiting and then more waiting in the ultrasound room and a urine sample, which by the way, for a girl, is by far one of the most difficult things to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like i said if you cant take the heat, stay in the shade!) anyways my ultrasound comes in and my endometrial lining is looking beautiful thank goodness! and my ovaries, WOW! the prettiest ive ever seen! haha we saw lots of follicles that weren't measuring too big yet but as you read on you will see why this may be a good thing! anyways, since she was doing the ultrasound she decided to check out my kidney that was causing problems to see if she could see anything suspicious...well about 10 minutes later she found what we suspected! a bleeping STONE!!!
so immediately the tears started flowing for one reason i was reliving the pain and agony i was in from the first one i had, then i just knew it was going to mess up our cycle, which would mean thousands of wasted dollars!!! thankfully since chadd  wasn't there my mommy was! yes, even when you're trying to become a mommy yourself, you still need yours to help you get there! well i calmed down thanks to her and got dressed and went to the office to meet with the doctor and nurse. when we stepped into the hallway we could see grayson and val patiently waiting for us! he was waving at us telling us it was time to go to sea world and to hurry up! haha
well we left the clinic basically with everything up in the air until i heard from my urologist from home. as we walked out of the clinic i mumbled, "could my life get any worse?" well, my six year old cousin gave it to me straight..."yes Shelby, it could be worse." hahahahaha that coming from a six year old definitely reminded me that yes it could be worse! well, i still had no pain from the stone and we were kind of at a stand still by this point so we decided lets just go to sea world and if i start to hurt or whatever then we could leave!
well thankfully ive had no pain and didn't all day yesterday and the four of us had a blast at sea world! loved loved loved the sea lions show! too funny!
so i found out i had an appointment for a CT in Angelo at 8:15 the next morning (today) but we enjoyed ourselves anyways knowing we were going to have to drive home so late! but we did and we made it home about 12:45 last night! i had a small cry and lots of hugs from my chadd and everything was better!
well today its only 11:40am as i type and wow its been a long morning! i had the CT at 8:15 then went and saw my urologist and they said that the stone is a good size but is in a spot where they cant just go out and remove it, they will have to use lithotrypsy, google it, and he only does it on Wednesdays since its done by a machine that isn't always available....so as of now im waiting on my doctor in San Antonio to call me back to see if were going to wait until then or if they could maybe get me into a doctor in San Antonio earlier to get rid of it!!!!!!!! either way it looks like we will be traveling back to San  Antonio today because they want to do another ultrasound in the morning to make sure they watch my follies closely to make sure we still can do the retrieval on time!
as of right now were looking at doing that Wednesday but like i said its all up in the air until my doctors communicate then call me about it! if we do the retrieval and the stone is still there, they will freeze my eggs so we don't have to worry there about losing my eggies they will just be on ice until were ready to fertilize and transfer them! in the mean time they gave me some Loratab in case i develop any pain and now we wait!!!!!! so i will update ASAP and again thanks so much to my awesome family for doing everything they can to help chadd and i get through all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we couldn't do it without everyone's help!

FOLLICLES FOLLICLES EVERYWHERE!

haha yeah so anyone that's been through this or has had me explain all of this in the past will understand the title! we had a couple good looking ovaries working away at our ultrasound this morning! my endometrial lining also was developing well, which is what is needed in order to have a good surrounding for implantation. i had about 10 small follicles growing on my right ovary and about 5 to 7 on my left one! my right one is the one we want to root for since its easier to get to than my left! my left ovary adhered itself to my uterus after a surgery i had a couple years ago so its difficult to get to during the retrieval but it still functions! Dr. Neal was able to get to it the first time he said their was lots of pushing, pulling, and awkward positions for the nurses in order for him to get to it but he made it which helped us out! so this time it would be just as good to get to it since the more we can retrieve the better our chances of lots of embryos!!! although my follicles weren't quite big enough I'm sure hoping our retrieval will not get pushed back since we plan on  going to junction with our families for 4th of July!!! although i wont be able to swim and will pretty much be on bed rest i still don't think i could handle missing a year since I've gone EVERY year since i could walk! and no I'm not joking! but i guess if it gets pushed back its for a good cause so i wont complain too much! haha
anyways i guess me, my awesome mom, Grayson (my awesome 6 year old cousin) and Valarie (my awesome aunt), will hit the road to San Antonio tomorrow after work so i can go to my appointment thursday morning then were gonna own sea world for the day!!! YIPPPPPPPPIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU TELL IM EXCITED??? i cant wait to see the walrus show!
well goodnight for now and i will do my best to update from my phone while im in san antonio! time to go watch the rain!!! thank you lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

Well, once again another fathers day gone by that my husband can't officially celebrate :( but we did get to celebrate two of the best dads anyone could ask for and without them we wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be able to attempt to have a child through invitro to celebrate days like this with in the future! i love my husband more than anyone knows and he has fulfilled my life in so many ways that this is such a heavy burden to not be able to fulfill his. I know he would never hold any of this against me, since he's told me and he shows me by sticking by my side and being at my beckon call for whatever i need throughout this whole process! he truly amazes me by being able to give me my shots and put on a strong face and open his arms when i need to break down! although he is quite good at pushing my buttons when he knows im all hyped up on hormone injections but hey, gotta find the humor SOMEWHERE in all this!
well we have one more day of injections in the morning then its back to the doctor Tuesday morning for another ultrasound and another round of blood work to see how things are progressing! really hoping everything stays as scheduled for the fact that were supposed to have an appointment Thursday morning in San Antonio then me, grayson, mom, and val are off to Sea World after that for the day!!! so anyways until Tuesday have a great Monday and hope everyone enjoyed being able to celebrate fathers day with an amazing father or angel father!

I love you Chadd and would fly to the moon and back to provide a child for you to love and appreciate not only on Fathers Day but every day of the year...I know it will happen one way or another one day, and when it does, you're going to be the best daddy a baby has ever known!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CLEARED FOR TAKE-OFF!!!

well i had my ultrasound and blood work today and everything is a go!!! I start my injections this Saturday, which will include 125iu's of Follistim, which they upped from last time which is a good thing! Then another injection of Microdose HCG .1iu...i take one of each on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, then nothing on Tuesday until after my second ultrasound and round of blood work! once they see how things are progressing they will either up my meds or keep them the same until the next tests! Chadd also starts his antibiotic on Saturday but all he has to do is swallow a tiny little pill twice a day for 10 days and hes done! that's ok though since he has to put up with my emotions and hormones, his part is (almost) worse than mine!!! so after my nurse from San Antonio called and gave us the all clear, i forked over $7,000 to officially get the ball going!!! yes i said $7,000...but hey we got a discount from the last time since its our second try within 18 months! we got a whopping $1,500 discount! yeesh...oh well a discount is a discount!
 so ladies and gents, until then i will update as we go! everyone have a great weekend and TGIF!!!

GETTING EXCITED!!!

well tomorrow is the official start of the blood work and ultrasounds! i go in at 9:30 for some blood work and an ultrasound to check and make sure everything is clear for take off! i will start the injections Saturday if everything is good...the shots aren't so bad but when i have to start the progesterone in oil injections.....ouchy!!!! my sweet husband officially overcame his fear of needles (when i say fear i mean FEAR!) and he gives me the injections every morning!!! the only problem is they leave my swollen in my back side and they make it soooo sore! oh well, small price to pay for my dream!!!

so, moving on...if anyone knows us, we are so fortunate to have amazing relationships with our parents. i don't know if they want me to advertise this but i don't care because its awesome! our parents have come together and paid for this cycle of invitro!!!!! its such a relief to know that we wont have to burden ourselves with more debt in order to attempt IVF one more time, but on the other hand it will definitely be a heart breaker to have another failed cycle...catch my drift? they have already told us of course that no matter what the investment and what the outcome is, they will never regret doing this for us which is very helpful to hear! i thank God for giving us amazing parents and just have to remind myself when I'm feeling guilty about the money, that i would do the same thing if i was in their shoes! i long for the day to bless my parents with grandchildren!!! i was and still am a daddy's girl so i can only imagine what a grandchild will do to him! my poor mom will probably have to go into shoppers anonymous if we have a girl because when we are out shopping we see things all the time that we just know we will buy instead of admire when their is a little one in the picture! specifically a girl! haha

well i will update tomorrow after i get the results

everything's set!

well my medications get delivered tomorrow to my moms office! since they have to be signed for and put in a refrigerator its the easiest way! I have an appointment this Thursday to check everything out via an internal ultrasound and some blood work! if all is clear there we will start the injections this Saturday!!! I'm excited to start this all again and some what relieved since i know what to expect, what to watch for, what questions to ask and so forth! feeling more at ease and somewhat a little more hopeful! hope that's a true feeling and not just my mind messing with me! 

From Then Until Now...

So, i thought i would start a blog so everyone can read about mine and Chadd's roller coaster of a ride through infertility...a little background first...we officially decided to try for a baby in October of 2007, a little over a year after marriage...i took my last birth control pill on Halloween of that year, and after that we were sooo excited to see what the future would hold! boy did we get our hopes up waaaay too soon!
after a few months had gone by, i was having lots of problems with my cycles, and unfortunately my first doctor didn't do much about it and just kept upping the dosage on my clomid pills...well after about a year of nothing, we decided to switch to Dr. Sutliff...thank God we did!


I saw Sutliff in november of 2008 and was put on some new medication, metformin, to hopefully see if it would help with my cycles, along with the clomid...well a couple months went by and nothing new happened besides restoring my cycles to normal days...so we then decided to take the plunge emotionally and financially into shots...so now I'm on clomid, metformin, and repronex shots, and having ultrasounds on certain days
well January was nothing good, but then just as the end of February came, POOF, we were finally pregnant after over a year of trying! it was the best phone call of my life around the first of march when katy, our super wonderful reproductive endocrinologist called and gave me the news that according to the blood tests it was official! chadd came home for lunch just a few minutes after i got the phone call and i ran outside and swung my arms around his neck while i was laughing and crying, and he of course knew exactly why! he had the biggest smile on his face!


anyways, after that all of my checkups were great, no sign of anything, and my pregnancy was going good...until one early morning around the first of may, i woke up with terrible cramps and a backache...after a few hours of pain we decided to go to the emergency room where they proceeded to tell me i had a urinary tract infection and everything was fine with the baby...but looking back now i think they were too scared to check for sure because they knew exactly what was happening, but they just decided to lie to me and tell me the baby was fine...


well two weeks later i had another checkup, and at this time i was 12 weeks, or so i thought...i had this terrible feeling as we pulled up to the clinic and told Chadd i didn't want to go in because i had this feeling that something wasn't going to be right. well we go in and my mom meets us there because she thinks she is going to get to see her future grandchild's heartbeat for the first time...anyways i knew it wasn't good when they couldn't pick up the heartbeat on the monitor in the room, so we went to the ultrasound room and there on the monitor was our lifeless baby, just laying there, with no heartbeat anymore...it was honestly the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life...you will never know what its like to lose a baby until you have actually been through it...even though our child was only 12 weeks old, it was the worst image in the entire world to see the tiny figure laying lifeless inside my body. we immediately went to the hospital for a D&C and after that it was pretty emotional for a few months....


in october of 2009 i decided to have a surgery done to remove cysts on my ovaries, ovarian drilling, along with having endometriosis removed. sutliff performed the surgery and it all went well, but he did tell chadd after the surgery i had a pretty severe case of endometriosis but with everything being taken care of, it may better our chances! well...


after a little break and trying more shots and medications, i visited the clinic in san antonio to see if their were any problems and they suggested i come back for a saline histogram to check for polyps because during the checkup the doctor had a suspicion of one but he couldnt do the test because i was too far along into my cycle. we attempted another IUI (intrauterine insemination) and were successful in April 2010 shortly after i had seen the doctor in san antonio, so i wasnt able to have the test which we thought to be a God send then! sadly we lost that angel baby at 5 weeks. that was not as hard to take as losing one at 12 weeks but emotional just the same. looking back i wish i would've been more demanding with my doctor to do another D&C since he probably could have determined the cause of the miscarriage but it seemed as though he pretty much lost interest in me to say the least and i never even saw him again! we attempted a couple more IUI's after gaining emotional control from the second loss but as most of you know had no success what so ever! i returned to san antonio in june and had the test and they did find some polyps which more than likely caused the miscarriage. they asked me to have them removed, so i had the surgery with dr sutliff in june of 2010 to remove all the polyps. the surgery went well but our lines of communication with sutliffSutliff after over two years of pulling teeth with him to get him to pay attention and help us!


 November 2010 Chadd and i decided we didn't want to deal with the neglect anymore and we decided to switch to Dr. Hajovsky(pronounced Hiyosky)...we absolutely loved Dr. H when we first met her, (and still do!) she was so in depth and thorough about what our treatment options were and how we could try a couple other less expensive techniques without having to move into invitro until we were ready. we attempted a couple cycles with her with not much success and although she had another idea up her sleeve, it wasn't any more of a guarantee so with the help of our families and lots of soul searching together, Chadd and i made the leap of faith into Invitro!!!!!!!!!!!


keep in mind we had a couple visits with the fertility clinic before the decision was made also, so we werent going into it with a blind eye!




THE FOLLOWING DATES WERE TAKEN OUT OF MY JOURNAL I KEPT DURING OUR EXPERIENCE SO I WILL TYPE THEM STRAIGHT OFF THE PAGE!


3/14/11....
today we paid for all of our medications for our first official round of Invitro! scary but hope its worth it, we handed over $1,547.14 to the pharmacy and they are shipping all of our meds with ice packs overnight to chadds office! 


3/17/11....
well today definately didnt go the way i pictured it in my mind! we had our first ultrasound (and should have had bloodwork) but had the ultrasound at community instead of WTMA where Dr. H is located and totally couldnt find the office we were supposed to be in! we had to go back to registration after roaming the halls and a nice man helped us find our way! anyways i cant update about the outcome of the tests yet since i didnt have my bloodwork thanks to hajovsky's office overlooking it...grrrr...as if this situation isnt stressful enough! oh well, i should know more tomorrow!


3/18/11....
well today couldve been worse but thankfully it wasnt because it was pretty rough! i had my blood work at 8am, and amongst other things not pertaining to the IVF topic but added to my bad day, my doctors office didnt send my lab work to san antonio like they knew they were supposed to do! so yet another sign that this does not look promising...after lots of tears, due to high stress and 5,000 phone calls later, san antonio received our paper work so off we go with the medications tomorrow!
(-side note- keep in mind if you havent ever done this, its an artform and everything has to be done to the exact second or it could blow the whole process~)anyways....
i will be taking two injections a day for 3 days as of right now then after my ultrasound tuesday they will determine the rest! chadd also starts his antibiotic tomorrow so im hoping he wont be affected by them but i think it is a small sacrifice compared to what my body is about to be put through! 


3/22/11....
well the quote on this page sums it up for today!
(side note-my journal my mom gave me to write in had inspirational quotes throughout and this one stated "the Lord is my strength and my sheild; my heart trusted in Him.") we havent gotten my blood work back yetbut we had the ultrasound and everything looked to be right on track! we had what looked to be 5 to 6 follicles on each ovary, ranging from 8mm to 16mm so we were very anxious to see how things are progressing on thursday!


3/25/11....
well its 10am and were flying down the highway to san antonio! yesterdays follicles were decent and my estradiol level was good so my san antonio nurse instructed me to take a new injection but when i got home last night i checked to see if i had it and someone dropped the ball yet again!!! in order for me not to ovulate i have to have this injection at a certain time in the cycle or we could lose all my follicles and waste all the time and effort! when i spoke to san antonio this morning they said get to there clinic ASAP so they could give me a dose they have at their clinic! so todays been a bit of a whirlwind but were good now and on the road! looking forward to a nice weekend together amongst all the obstacles of this crazy IVF cycle!


3/29/11....(tuesday night)
well saturdays appointment went ok- blood work was good but follicles werent there yet so chadd went home sunday and my amazing mom came and took over! i went in monday and had a pretty decent amount of good size follicles on my left and right ovary. problem is dr neal isnt for sure if he can get them or not because my lefty likes to hide behind my uterus due to scar tissue...grrrr....but we will find out tomorrow if hes got the skills! i go in at 7:30 and chadd will do his "business" then they will take me back for the retrieval! please God let the doctor get to my left one! to be continued...!


well after this i didnt write in the journal anymore so i will just continue based off my memory since it wasnt too long ago i think i can remember! haha


the retreival went well and thank the lord they were able to get to my left ovary so they ended up retrieving 12 eggs! i was put under and poor chadd had to wait in the waiting room for this procedure but thankfully i had the sweetest nurse that finally went to get him  once i woke up! the nurse told him that she was speaking softly to another nurse in my recovery room and when she mentioned something about my husband, i woke up immediately and asked if chadd could come back now! she said it was the sweetest thing since i was still so out of it but i knew one thing...that i needed my chadd and i needed him NOW!!! haha 
we headed home that afternoon and got the call the next morning that out of 12 eggs we had 10 fertilize which was awesome!!! we then headed back to san antonio for what seemed like the 1,000th time the next night and went in on april 2nd, 3 days after the retrieval, to have the transfer done!!!


4/2/11 the big day! although this was the "easiest" part, it sooo was not the most pleasant thats for sure!!! i had to go in with a full bladder but i didnt quite get it there so i had to drink and drink in the room while chadd played with all the supplies! gloves, dr hat, you name it he was making me laugh with it! anyways when the time finally came, having to keep the full bladder was excruciating but the rest of it was quick and cool since we got to watch! now, not to go into too much detail, but friends that know me know that just about half the world i feel like has seen my goods with all this crap weve been through! but sorry we dont have any pics of that part! hahahahaha anyways, they inserted a catheter tube into my uterus and they watched the tube via a belly ultrasound camera and the ultrasound tech instructed the doctor as to when he had the tube in just the right spot, then ploop ploop, there were our two embryos! they appeared right on the screen! it was quite an amazing experience seeing your what could be future babies being placed into Gods creation of where they would grow if they were strong enough! they quickly removed the tube, took it under the microscope and checked all the way through the tube to make sure the embryos were not still in the tube, just as a precaution, then the nurse said all clear and we were done! they drained my bladder which was SUCH A RELIEF!!! and instructed me to lie still and flat for the next 30 minutes! well after about 15 minutes the bladder was nice and full again, and thats when the tears started flowing! having to hold it in and not pee all over the table was by far the hardest part of the entire procedure!!!!!!!! poor chadd was a little panicky by now and kept sticking his head out the room to see if their was someone he could tell but no one was to be found! so basically i just cried for the next 10 minutes then finally my nurse came in, helped me off the table and i got to pee!!!!!! whoa, total relief! anyways...


we leave the clinic and my bed is already set up in the back seat of chadds truck! i climbed in slowly with his help and layed flat all the way to Glenda's house while chadd tried his best to avoid any bumps! after we got to the house Glenda had my bedroom all set up! Glenda's sweet husband Jim even took their spare TV out of a bedroom and moved it into the one we were staying in! so the rest of the day i layed around and watched movies and got waited on hand and foot by my amazing husband and the wonderful Glenda and Jim which we owe a huge thanks to for being so accomodating and saving us tons of money on hotel rooms!!!!!!!!!!! after a couple days of relaxing we headed home, which yes i layed in the back seat the whole way home, then proceeded to lay around the next day as well! 


a week later i had some blood work done and sadly it wasnt looking too promising but the nurses assured me that it didnt tell them anything other than what my body was doing but thanks to the internet, i had a pretty good idea that it wasnt looking too promising....


4/15/11...another sad day to add to our growing list...we had the blood test done here in angelo that morning, then to kill some time, (chadd took the morning off work), we drove to his office and picked up some water to donate to the fire fighters when the huge wildcat fire was blazing. we even stopped in at airgas to visit and distract ourselves after that! finally we arrived home and the call came in...even though we hadn't done much with Dr hajovskys office before the IVF you could hear the sadness in our nurses voice when she said their wasn't a trace of HCG, she apologized and said they would be there for anything we needed. i thanked her, hung up the phone, and broke into a million pieces once again...
to this day i thank God for blessing me with the most amazing husband i could ask for...he immediately got on his knees in front of me as i cried uncontrollably on the couch and looked into my eyes and said "i want you to know i have never ever once blamed you for any of this not working and i never will" it was assuring and heart breaking at the same time and all i could say is "im broken, God doesn't want me to have a child," and lots of other sad self loathing things that later on i found out hurt chadd more than i knew...


after lots of crying, lots of support from friends and family, and lots of yelling at God, here we are! 
honestly i feel terrible for admitting this, but this sunday, 6/12, was the first time i went to church since everything...i went with my mom since the guys were all out of town and i felt at peace during the mass, but still have a lot of regret and a lot of praying and a LOT of forgiveness to ask for before He and I are on full speaking terms again! but i know with my faith i have left and all the prayers from the people that love me, chadd and i will both get there soon! we are becoming Bowens godparents (my cousin) at the end of august and having that to look forward to and prepare for is helping our hearts amazingly. at least if we cant have our own (yet) we are thankful that God spoke to Eric and Valarie for the two of us to take on the responsibility of helping to spiritually raise their child with them. thanks guys!


well not long after we found out it hadn't worked and none of our embryos froze, our amazing parents pulled through and informed us that they were going to pay for us to try again if that's what we wanted...well i thought i wouldn't be able to but that burning desire for a child of my own was still there and burned stronger. so after lots of reflection, family based counseling, and putting ourselves in our parents shoes, we have decided to try ONE LAST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we had a follow up appointment a couple weeks ago along with chadds parents listening in, and after a blood chromosome test, and another saline histogram test, both coming back clear and normal, i have my first appointment to check things out on the 16th of this month then if everything pans out as it should we will go in for the retrieval around the 27th of this month!!! i ordered my meds a couple days ago and i guess with a being a different pharmacy and insurance deductibles, we only ended up having to pay $750 for all of them which is half the cost from last time!!! i will work to update and keep it short and sweet as we go since this post was by far too long, even though it was the short version and theirs tons i could've gone on and on about! thanks for reading and thanks for praying and all of the support!