ok so to continue on from my living hell....i spoke with my doctor friday afternoon in san antonio and he spoke with my urologist and they decided that all would be good to go to possibly do both my retrieval, granted the eggs were ready, and lithotripsy on wednesday as long as everything went as planned...well boy did it NOT go as planned....
so chadd and i enjoyed an italian dinner before heading to glendas for the night which was so good! we had a pepperoni pizza! anyways we headed to glendas, watched TV and basically went to bed! well, so much for a good nights sleep! i woke up about 1:30am with the lower back pain, it did nothing but get worse. i took two lortab that my urologist prescribed me when i saw him friday morning for "just in case"...well those didnt even touch the pain!!!!!! so i got up about 4am and took a shower to see if it would help ease the pain, which it didnt...i got out of the shower and noticed my left side was super swollen up and the pain was worse so i told chadd it was time to go to the ER....so 45 minutes later, driving 80mph down the highway, i was in the ER! it went pretty smooth all in all, they got my IV going and pumped me up of the good stuff and voila! the pain was gone! love that good juice!
so they prescribed me all sorts of meds and we were out of there by 8:45am and headed to the fertility clinic across the street...keep in mind i looked like i had been hit by a bus so the looks i was getting from everyone was like, whoa, that girl needs help...so i let them know about the ER and we go on to the ultrasound and blood work where my follicles had grown a little and their were lots of them which was good, but after speaking with Dr. Martin we decided it was in my best health interest to cancel the cycle due to a bigger chance of infection. when kidneys are involved it can make everything quite scary so even though we were disappointed we were also relieved to just go home and relax and recover!!!
so i pretty much slept the whole day saturday sunday and now its monday and im awake for now until i take another hydrocodone! trying to hold off from them since i dont have any pain yet but for my sake and mostly chadds, we want to keep on top of the pain because my poor husband cant take seeing me in such pain!!! i feel so bad that he has had to take care of me soooo many times! it really sucks for him! in sickness and in health, right??? poor thing!
so for now im just taking it easy until wednesday when im scheduled for lithotripsy so i will update after all of that!
from an awesome person whom i hope to call my sister in law one day, Tayler...Proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in alll your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths"...

well....not what we had anticipated...really???

well....its been quite a whirlwind the past couple days! lets just recap! we, as in me, my mom, Valarie, and grayson, hit the road Wednesday night to head to Glenda's in Bulverde. She is my distant cousin but i call her my aunt! she is gracious enough to let us stay at her house anytime we need too when were in san antonio so it helps tremendously on our travel expenses! anyways, we made it safe and sound with only one detour! yes you would think since i've been there 500 times in the past year i would be able to remember how to get to her house but once you hit Boerne its a little tricky! AND it was dark! so, i get ready for bed that night and notice a little blood in my urine (i know TMI but if you are grossed out then don't read it! haha) but my body does some crazy things so i kinda just blew it off and went to bed...well, the next morning theirs the same problem now accompanied with a slight back pain, so i told my mom and of course she and i both were thinking the unspeakable...kidney problem...
so we all load up and head to the clinic with swimsuits in tow since we planned on going to Sea World after the appointment which we were soooo looking forward too! well, we get to the clinic, all four of us, and while were in the waiting room, something funny to share....lesbians...and grayson...we were a little nervous because they were getting pretty cozy so we were all just waiting for grayson to blurt something out! don't get me wrong more power to them to each their own! but we were more concerned with the way G would've reacted if he would've seen them do anything, but thankfully they didn't and G was distracted with his iPod! THANK YOU APPLE! HAHA anyways moving on...
so my mom and i go into the room after lots of waiting and then more waiting in the ultrasound room and a urine sample, which by the way, for a girl, is by far one of the most difficult things to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like i said if you cant take the heat, stay in the shade!) anyways my ultrasound comes in and my endometrial lining is looking beautiful thank goodness! and my ovaries, WOW! the prettiest ive ever seen! haha we saw lots of follicles that weren't measuring too big yet but as you read on you will see why this may be a good thing! anyways, since she was doing the ultrasound she decided to check out my kidney that was causing problems to see if she could see anything suspicious...well about 10 minutes later she found what we suspected! a bleeping STONE!!!
so immediately the tears started flowing for one reason i was reliving the pain and agony i was in from the first one i had, then i just knew it was going to mess up our cycle, which would mean thousands of wasted dollars!!! thankfully since chadd  wasn't there my mommy was! yes, even when you're trying to become a mommy yourself, you still need yours to help you get there! well i calmed down thanks to her and got dressed and went to the office to meet with the doctor and nurse. when we stepped into the hallway we could see grayson and val patiently waiting for us! he was waving at us telling us it was time to go to sea world and to hurry up! haha
well we left the clinic basically with everything up in the air until i heard from my urologist from home. as we walked out of the clinic i mumbled, "could my life get any worse?" well, my six year old cousin gave it to me straight..."yes Shelby, it could be worse." hahahahaha that coming from a six year old definitely reminded me that yes it could be worse! well, i still had no pain from the stone and we were kind of at a stand still by this point so we decided lets just go to sea world and if i start to hurt or whatever then we could leave!
well thankfully ive had no pain and didn't all day yesterday and the four of us had a blast at sea world! loved loved loved the sea lions show! too funny!
so i found out i had an appointment for a CT in Angelo at 8:15 the next morning (today) but we enjoyed ourselves anyways knowing we were going to have to drive home so late! but we did and we made it home about 12:45 last night! i had a small cry and lots of hugs from my chadd and everything was better!
well today its only 11:40am as i type and wow its been a long morning! i had the CT at 8:15 then went and saw my urologist and they said that the stone is a good size but is in a spot where they cant just go out and remove it, they will have to use lithotrypsy, google it, and he only does it on Wednesdays since its done by a machine that isn't always available....so as of now im waiting on my doctor in San Antonio to call me back to see if were going to wait until then or if they could maybe get me into a doctor in San Antonio earlier to get rid of it!!!!!!!! either way it looks like we will be traveling back to San  Antonio today because they want to do another ultrasound in the morning to make sure they watch my follies closely to make sure we still can do the retrieval on time!
as of right now were looking at doing that Wednesday but like i said its all up in the air until my doctors communicate then call me about it! if we do the retrieval and the stone is still there, they will freeze my eggs so we don't have to worry there about losing my eggies they will just be on ice until were ready to fertilize and transfer them! in the mean time they gave me some Loratab in case i develop any pain and now we wait!!!!!! so i will update ASAP and again thanks so much to my awesome family for doing everything they can to help chadd and i get through all of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we couldn't do it without everyone's help!

FOLLICLES FOLLICLES EVERYWHERE!

haha yeah so anyone that's been through this or has had me explain all of this in the past will understand the title! we had a couple good looking ovaries working away at our ultrasound this morning! my endometrial lining also was developing well, which is what is needed in order to have a good surrounding for implantation. i had about 10 small follicles growing on my right ovary and about 5 to 7 on my left one! my right one is the one we want to root for since its easier to get to than my left! my left ovary adhered itself to my uterus after a surgery i had a couple years ago so its difficult to get to during the retrieval but it still functions! Dr. Neal was able to get to it the first time he said their was lots of pushing, pulling, and awkward positions for the nurses in order for him to get to it but he made it which helped us out! so this time it would be just as good to get to it since the more we can retrieve the better our chances of lots of embryos!!! although my follicles weren't quite big enough I'm sure hoping our retrieval will not get pushed back since we plan on  going to junction with our families for 4th of July!!! although i wont be able to swim and will pretty much be on bed rest i still don't think i could handle missing a year since I've gone EVERY year since i could walk! and no I'm not joking! but i guess if it gets pushed back its for a good cause so i wont complain too much! haha
anyways i guess me, my awesome mom, Grayson (my awesome 6 year old cousin) and Valarie (my awesome aunt), will hit the road to San Antonio tomorrow after work so i can go to my appointment thursday morning then were gonna own sea world for the day!!! YIPPPPPPPPIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU TELL IM EXCITED??? i cant wait to see the walrus show!
well goodnight for now and i will do my best to update from my phone while im in san antonio! time to go watch the rain!!! thank you lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

Well, once again another fathers day gone by that my husband can't officially celebrate :( but we did get to celebrate two of the best dads anyone could ask for and without them we wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be able to attempt to have a child through invitro to celebrate days like this with in the future! i love my husband more than anyone knows and he has fulfilled my life in so many ways that this is such a heavy burden to not be able to fulfill his. I know he would never hold any of this against me, since he's told me and he shows me by sticking by my side and being at my beckon call for whatever i need throughout this whole process! he truly amazes me by being able to give me my shots and put on a strong face and open his arms when i need to break down! although he is quite good at pushing my buttons when he knows im all hyped up on hormone injections but hey, gotta find the humor SOMEWHERE in all this!
well we have one more day of injections in the morning then its back to the doctor Tuesday morning for another ultrasound and another round of blood work to see how things are progressing! really hoping everything stays as scheduled for the fact that were supposed to have an appointment Thursday morning in San Antonio then me, grayson, mom, and val are off to Sea World after that for the day!!! so anyways until Tuesday have a great Monday and hope everyone enjoyed being able to celebrate fathers day with an amazing father or angel father!

I love you Chadd and would fly to the moon and back to provide a child for you to love and appreciate not only on Fathers Day but every day of the year...I know it will happen one way or another one day, and when it does, you're going to be the best daddy a baby has ever known!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CLEARED FOR TAKE-OFF!!!

well i had my ultrasound and blood work today and everything is a go!!! I start my injections this Saturday, which will include 125iu's of Follistim, which they upped from last time which is a good thing! Then another injection of Microdose HCG .1iu...i take one of each on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, then nothing on Tuesday until after my second ultrasound and round of blood work! once they see how things are progressing they will either up my meds or keep them the same until the next tests! Chadd also starts his antibiotic on Saturday but all he has to do is swallow a tiny little pill twice a day for 10 days and hes done! that's ok though since he has to put up with my emotions and hormones, his part is (almost) worse than mine!!! so after my nurse from San Antonio called and gave us the all clear, i forked over $7,000 to officially get the ball going!!! yes i said $7,000...but hey we got a discount from the last time since its our second try within 18 months! we got a whopping $1,500 discount! yeesh...oh well a discount is a discount!
 so ladies and gents, until then i will update as we go! everyone have a great weekend and TGIF!!!

GETTING EXCITED!!!

well tomorrow is the official start of the blood work and ultrasounds! i go in at 9:30 for some blood work and an ultrasound to check and make sure everything is clear for take off! i will start the injections Saturday if everything is good...the shots aren't so bad but when i have to start the progesterone in oil injections.....ouchy!!!! my sweet husband officially overcame his fear of needles (when i say fear i mean FEAR!) and he gives me the injections every morning!!! the only problem is they leave my swollen in my back side and they make it soooo sore! oh well, small price to pay for my dream!!!

so, moving on...if anyone knows us, we are so fortunate to have amazing relationships with our parents. i don't know if they want me to advertise this but i don't care because its awesome! our parents have come together and paid for this cycle of invitro!!!!! its such a relief to know that we wont have to burden ourselves with more debt in order to attempt IVF one more time, but on the other hand it will definitely be a heart breaker to have another failed cycle...catch my drift? they have already told us of course that no matter what the investment and what the outcome is, they will never regret doing this for us which is very helpful to hear! i thank God for giving us amazing parents and just have to remind myself when I'm feeling guilty about the money, that i would do the same thing if i was in their shoes! i long for the day to bless my parents with grandchildren!!! i was and still am a daddy's girl so i can only imagine what a grandchild will do to him! my poor mom will probably have to go into shoppers anonymous if we have a girl because when we are out shopping we see things all the time that we just know we will buy instead of admire when their is a little one in the picture! specifically a girl! haha

well i will update tomorrow after i get the results

everything's set!

well my medications get delivered tomorrow to my moms office! since they have to be signed for and put in a refrigerator its the easiest way! I have an appointment this Thursday to check everything out via an internal ultrasound and some blood work! if all is clear there we will start the injections this Saturday!!! I'm excited to start this all again and some what relieved since i know what to expect, what to watch for, what questions to ask and so forth! feeling more at ease and somewhat a little more hopeful! hope that's a true feeling and not just my mind messing with me! 

From Then Until Now...

So, i thought i would start a blog so everyone can read about mine and Chadd's roller coaster of a ride through infertility...a little background first...we officially decided to try for a baby in October of 2007, a little over a year after marriage...i took my last birth control pill on Halloween of that year, and after that we were sooo excited to see what the future would hold! boy did we get our hopes up waaaay too soon!
after a few months had gone by, i was having lots of problems with my cycles, and unfortunately my first doctor didn't do much about it and just kept upping the dosage on my clomid pills...well after about a year of nothing, we decided to switch to Dr. Sutliff...thank God we did!


I saw Sutliff in november of 2008 and was put on some new medication, metformin, to hopefully see if it would help with my cycles, along with the clomid...well a couple months went by and nothing new happened besides restoring my cycles to normal days...so we then decided to take the plunge emotionally and financially into shots...so now I'm on clomid, metformin, and repronex shots, and having ultrasounds on certain days
well January was nothing good, but then just as the end of February came, POOF, we were finally pregnant after over a year of trying! it was the best phone call of my life around the first of march when katy, our super wonderful reproductive endocrinologist called and gave me the news that according to the blood tests it was official! chadd came home for lunch just a few minutes after i got the phone call and i ran outside and swung my arms around his neck while i was laughing and crying, and he of course knew exactly why! he had the biggest smile on his face!


anyways, after that all of my checkups were great, no sign of anything, and my pregnancy was going good...until one early morning around the first of may, i woke up with terrible cramps and a backache...after a few hours of pain we decided to go to the emergency room where they proceeded to tell me i had a urinary tract infection and everything was fine with the baby...but looking back now i think they were too scared to check for sure because they knew exactly what was happening, but they just decided to lie to me and tell me the baby was fine...


well two weeks later i had another checkup, and at this time i was 12 weeks, or so i thought...i had this terrible feeling as we pulled up to the clinic and told Chadd i didn't want to go in because i had this feeling that something wasn't going to be right. well we go in and my mom meets us there because she thinks she is going to get to see her future grandchild's heartbeat for the first time...anyways i knew it wasn't good when they couldn't pick up the heartbeat on the monitor in the room, so we went to the ultrasound room and there on the monitor was our lifeless baby, just laying there, with no heartbeat anymore...it was honestly the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life...you will never know what its like to lose a baby until you have actually been through it...even though our child was only 12 weeks old, it was the worst image in the entire world to see the tiny figure laying lifeless inside my body. we immediately went to the hospital for a D&C and after that it was pretty emotional for a few months....


in october of 2009 i decided to have a surgery done to remove cysts on my ovaries, ovarian drilling, along with having endometriosis removed. sutliff performed the surgery and it all went well, but he did tell chadd after the surgery i had a pretty severe case of endometriosis but with everything being taken care of, it may better our chances! well...


after a little break and trying more shots and medications, i visited the clinic in san antonio to see if their were any problems and they suggested i come back for a saline histogram to check for polyps because during the checkup the doctor had a suspicion of one but he couldnt do the test because i was too far along into my cycle. we attempted another IUI (intrauterine insemination) and were successful in April 2010 shortly after i had seen the doctor in san antonio, so i wasnt able to have the test which we thought to be a God send then! sadly we lost that angel baby at 5 weeks. that was not as hard to take as losing one at 12 weeks but emotional just the same. looking back i wish i would've been more demanding with my doctor to do another D&C since he probably could have determined the cause of the miscarriage but it seemed as though he pretty much lost interest in me to say the least and i never even saw him again! we attempted a couple more IUI's after gaining emotional control from the second loss but as most of you know had no success what so ever! i returned to san antonio in june and had the test and they did find some polyps which more than likely caused the miscarriage. they asked me to have them removed, so i had the surgery with dr sutliff in june of 2010 to remove all the polyps. the surgery went well but our lines of communication with sutliffSutliff after over two years of pulling teeth with him to get him to pay attention and help us!


 November 2010 Chadd and i decided we didn't want to deal with the neglect anymore and we decided to switch to Dr. Hajovsky(pronounced Hiyosky)...we absolutely loved Dr. H when we first met her, (and still do!) she was so in depth and thorough about what our treatment options were and how we could try a couple other less expensive techniques without having to move into invitro until we were ready. we attempted a couple cycles with her with not much success and although she had another idea up her sleeve, it wasn't any more of a guarantee so with the help of our families and lots of soul searching together, Chadd and i made the leap of faith into Invitro!!!!!!!!!!!


keep in mind we had a couple visits with the fertility clinic before the decision was made also, so we werent going into it with a blind eye!




THE FOLLOWING DATES WERE TAKEN OUT OF MY JOURNAL I KEPT DURING OUR EXPERIENCE SO I WILL TYPE THEM STRAIGHT OFF THE PAGE!


3/14/11....
today we paid for all of our medications for our first official round of Invitro! scary but hope its worth it, we handed over $1,547.14 to the pharmacy and they are shipping all of our meds with ice packs overnight to chadds office! 


3/17/11....
well today definately didnt go the way i pictured it in my mind! we had our first ultrasound (and should have had bloodwork) but had the ultrasound at community instead of WTMA where Dr. H is located and totally couldnt find the office we were supposed to be in! we had to go back to registration after roaming the halls and a nice man helped us find our way! anyways i cant update about the outcome of the tests yet since i didnt have my bloodwork thanks to hajovsky's office overlooking it...grrrr...as if this situation isnt stressful enough! oh well, i should know more tomorrow!


3/18/11....
well today couldve been worse but thankfully it wasnt because it was pretty rough! i had my blood work at 8am, and amongst other things not pertaining to the IVF topic but added to my bad day, my doctors office didnt send my lab work to san antonio like they knew they were supposed to do! so yet another sign that this does not look promising...after lots of tears, due to high stress and 5,000 phone calls later, san antonio received our paper work so off we go with the medications tomorrow!
(-side note- keep in mind if you havent ever done this, its an artform and everything has to be done to the exact second or it could blow the whole process~)anyways....
i will be taking two injections a day for 3 days as of right now then after my ultrasound tuesday they will determine the rest! chadd also starts his antibiotic tomorrow so im hoping he wont be affected by them but i think it is a small sacrifice compared to what my body is about to be put through! 


3/22/11....
well the quote on this page sums it up for today!
(side note-my journal my mom gave me to write in had inspirational quotes throughout and this one stated "the Lord is my strength and my sheild; my heart trusted in Him.") we havent gotten my blood work back yetbut we had the ultrasound and everything looked to be right on track! we had what looked to be 5 to 6 follicles on each ovary, ranging from 8mm to 16mm so we were very anxious to see how things are progressing on thursday!


3/25/11....
well its 10am and were flying down the highway to san antonio! yesterdays follicles were decent and my estradiol level was good so my san antonio nurse instructed me to take a new injection but when i got home last night i checked to see if i had it and someone dropped the ball yet again!!! in order for me not to ovulate i have to have this injection at a certain time in the cycle or we could lose all my follicles and waste all the time and effort! when i spoke to san antonio this morning they said get to there clinic ASAP so they could give me a dose they have at their clinic! so todays been a bit of a whirlwind but were good now and on the road! looking forward to a nice weekend together amongst all the obstacles of this crazy IVF cycle!


3/29/11....(tuesday night)
well saturdays appointment went ok- blood work was good but follicles werent there yet so chadd went home sunday and my amazing mom came and took over! i went in monday and had a pretty decent amount of good size follicles on my left and right ovary. problem is dr neal isnt for sure if he can get them or not because my lefty likes to hide behind my uterus due to scar tissue...grrrr....but we will find out tomorrow if hes got the skills! i go in at 7:30 and chadd will do his "business" then they will take me back for the retrieval! please God let the doctor get to my left one! to be continued...!


well after this i didnt write in the journal anymore so i will just continue based off my memory since it wasnt too long ago i think i can remember! haha


the retreival went well and thank the lord they were able to get to my left ovary so they ended up retrieving 12 eggs! i was put under and poor chadd had to wait in the waiting room for this procedure but thankfully i had the sweetest nurse that finally went to get him  once i woke up! the nurse told him that she was speaking softly to another nurse in my recovery room and when she mentioned something about my husband, i woke up immediately and asked if chadd could come back now! she said it was the sweetest thing since i was still so out of it but i knew one thing...that i needed my chadd and i needed him NOW!!! haha 
we headed home that afternoon and got the call the next morning that out of 12 eggs we had 10 fertilize which was awesome!!! we then headed back to san antonio for what seemed like the 1,000th time the next night and went in on april 2nd, 3 days after the retrieval, to have the transfer done!!!


4/2/11 the big day! although this was the "easiest" part, it sooo was not the most pleasant thats for sure!!! i had to go in with a full bladder but i didnt quite get it there so i had to drink and drink in the room while chadd played with all the supplies! gloves, dr hat, you name it he was making me laugh with it! anyways when the time finally came, having to keep the full bladder was excruciating but the rest of it was quick and cool since we got to watch! now, not to go into too much detail, but friends that know me know that just about half the world i feel like has seen my goods with all this crap weve been through! but sorry we dont have any pics of that part! hahahahaha anyways, they inserted a catheter tube into my uterus and they watched the tube via a belly ultrasound camera and the ultrasound tech instructed the doctor as to when he had the tube in just the right spot, then ploop ploop, there were our two embryos! they appeared right on the screen! it was quite an amazing experience seeing your what could be future babies being placed into Gods creation of where they would grow if they were strong enough! they quickly removed the tube, took it under the microscope and checked all the way through the tube to make sure the embryos were not still in the tube, just as a precaution, then the nurse said all clear and we were done! they drained my bladder which was SUCH A RELIEF!!! and instructed me to lie still and flat for the next 30 minutes! well after about 15 minutes the bladder was nice and full again, and thats when the tears started flowing! having to hold it in and not pee all over the table was by far the hardest part of the entire procedure!!!!!!!! poor chadd was a little panicky by now and kept sticking his head out the room to see if their was someone he could tell but no one was to be found! so basically i just cried for the next 10 minutes then finally my nurse came in, helped me off the table and i got to pee!!!!!! whoa, total relief! anyways...


we leave the clinic and my bed is already set up in the back seat of chadds truck! i climbed in slowly with his help and layed flat all the way to Glenda's house while chadd tried his best to avoid any bumps! after we got to the house Glenda had my bedroom all set up! Glenda's sweet husband Jim even took their spare TV out of a bedroom and moved it into the one we were staying in! so the rest of the day i layed around and watched movies and got waited on hand and foot by my amazing husband and the wonderful Glenda and Jim which we owe a huge thanks to for being so accomodating and saving us tons of money on hotel rooms!!!!!!!!!!! after a couple days of relaxing we headed home, which yes i layed in the back seat the whole way home, then proceeded to lay around the next day as well! 


a week later i had some blood work done and sadly it wasnt looking too promising but the nurses assured me that it didnt tell them anything other than what my body was doing but thanks to the internet, i had a pretty good idea that it wasnt looking too promising....


4/15/11...another sad day to add to our growing list...we had the blood test done here in angelo that morning, then to kill some time, (chadd took the morning off work), we drove to his office and picked up some water to donate to the fire fighters when the huge wildcat fire was blazing. we even stopped in at airgas to visit and distract ourselves after that! finally we arrived home and the call came in...even though we hadn't done much with Dr hajovskys office before the IVF you could hear the sadness in our nurses voice when she said their wasn't a trace of HCG, she apologized and said they would be there for anything we needed. i thanked her, hung up the phone, and broke into a million pieces once again...
to this day i thank God for blessing me with the most amazing husband i could ask for...he immediately got on his knees in front of me as i cried uncontrollably on the couch and looked into my eyes and said "i want you to know i have never ever once blamed you for any of this not working and i never will" it was assuring and heart breaking at the same time and all i could say is "im broken, God doesn't want me to have a child," and lots of other sad self loathing things that later on i found out hurt chadd more than i knew...


after lots of crying, lots of support from friends and family, and lots of yelling at God, here we are! 
honestly i feel terrible for admitting this, but this sunday, 6/12, was the first time i went to church since everything...i went with my mom since the guys were all out of town and i felt at peace during the mass, but still have a lot of regret and a lot of praying and a LOT of forgiveness to ask for before He and I are on full speaking terms again! but i know with my faith i have left and all the prayers from the people that love me, chadd and i will both get there soon! we are becoming Bowens godparents (my cousin) at the end of august and having that to look forward to and prepare for is helping our hearts amazingly. at least if we cant have our own (yet) we are thankful that God spoke to Eric and Valarie for the two of us to take on the responsibility of helping to spiritually raise their child with them. thanks guys!


well not long after we found out it hadn't worked and none of our embryos froze, our amazing parents pulled through and informed us that they were going to pay for us to try again if that's what we wanted...well i thought i wouldn't be able to but that burning desire for a child of my own was still there and burned stronger. so after lots of reflection, family based counseling, and putting ourselves in our parents shoes, we have decided to try ONE LAST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we had a follow up appointment a couple weeks ago along with chadds parents listening in, and after a blood chromosome test, and another saline histogram test, both coming back clear and normal, i have my first appointment to check things out on the 16th of this month then if everything pans out as it should we will go in for the retrieval around the 27th of this month!!! i ordered my meds a couple days ago and i guess with a being a different pharmacy and insurance deductibles, we only ended up having to pay $750 for all of them which is half the cost from last time!!! i will work to update and keep it short and sweet as we go since this post was by far too long, even though it was the short version and theirs tons i could've gone on and on about! thanks for reading and thanks for praying and all of the support!